I was recently asked by a participant in a planning effort to “give them more space.”
We were in a sufficiently roomy area, and I had no idea what they were talking about. Eventually we delved into a discussion about it, and I was schooled.
All but one of the participants were traveling, it had taken months to coordinate this face-to-face gathering, and we had a lot to do and little time to do it. I was moving the group as fast as I could, peppering them with questions and pressing for responses.
What I wasn’t doing was giving them time to think and process.
For me, the interesting piece of this issue is with the lost relationship of space and time. It’s not about physical space, it’s about emotional and intellectual space.
It’s a classic consulting conundrum. We often have little time to achieve our objectives when working, particularly with diverse groups. But this to me seems to be a bigger problem than a consultant’s problem.
When I ask a question, I’ve had the luxury of time to think about it and frame it properly. The person I’m asking may have no clue what I’ve been thinking about, and even if they have, they probably don’t understand where my question came from, why I need an answer, mitigating factors, context, or exactly what type of answer I’m looking for.
Addressing this problem in that moment meant, for me, getting my questions in writing, not stream of consciousness, and giving people time to think and reflect before answering. That meant a lot of silence, often leaving a question, and coming back to it when responses were ready.
In that moment, my understanding was limited, so I had to act without having time to thoroughly think this space concern through. Changing my behavior took effort and patience, for all of us, and it did help. Our work products were better, and people were more relaxed. While I wasn’t perfect, there was less frustration in the room.
In my experience, this disconnect between questioner and respondent, what we often refer to as communication, happens a lot. It’s why so many famous people are credited with saying something like “The biggest problem with communication is the assumption it has happened.” When it hit me, the awareness was a bit of a shock.
As a leader, are you frustrated when you have questions and want answers? Do you give your direct reports sufficient space to think and process when asking questions? Are you suffocating the very people you’re trying to help? Let’s face it—your pace might be the problem.
Time and space aren’t just about physical distance. They shape how others experience you, and if you’re anything like me, too often, you might be moving too fast to notice, possibly leaving some of the best answers unspoken.
Do yourself a favor, start being more present and aware when you engage with people. Recognize when you make an ask of someone and be sure to give them the ‘space’ to respond in a way that actually helps both of you. Life is too short to live it running at full speed, you just miss too much. So, slow down and make space, for others and yourself.
If you want more information or to just talk about how to create space …
- My Blog has become the information source leaders depend on.
- Buy my book, Businesses Don’t Fail, They Commit Suicide: how to survive success and thrive in good times and bad.
- Email me at larry@mandelberg.biz (or call 916-798-0600) to schedule a relaxed, no-pressure conversation focused on understanding your unique challenges and potential solutions. No sales talk, just an open discussion.
NOTE: This newsletter was written with input from ChatGPT.
